Bureaucrats
It seems the university is being plagued by some sort of "stomach virus" which has mysteriously infected a large section of the population. Naturally, the bureaucrats have assured us that this is not the result of shoddy sanitation practices at the cafeteria, but rather a "widespread outbreak" in the "(local) community". Of course, where this epidemic came from is still a mystery, but it seems a few people have had their stomach contents pumped at the local hospital. Many others have had the same effect, though in a much more crude and natural way. I'm certainly glad I don't share a bathroom with them.
Any-way, this post doesn't concern stomach flu or green diarrhea. It does concern bureaucrats, which is a fairly close subject to the latter. More specifically, this post concerns their philosophical background, which frames the parallel reality bureaucrats seem to occupy. When one deals with these types (i.e. always in modern society), one must be ready to predict their behaviour. Only then can one fight them with any chance of success.
The golden rule of bureaucrats is "panic and disorder are the worst things possible." This thinking runs their entire existence, and all of the rules which govern their meaningless lives extend as spokes do from this central hub. Sadly, the wheel which results from this combination has the nasty tendency to run everyone else over.
Another key to bureaucracy is the magic of rules. Though bureaucrats don't believe in natural law, bureaucratic regulations are little less than commandments delivered from On High. All those who depart from them are headed to certain doom. Tales of customers who failed to follow the rules and then fell victim to some terrifying fate are the stories which illuminate the hours spent at the water-cooler, like the epic poems of the ancient Vikings.
The second key is obviously related to the first. Another of the spokes which fits into the central hub is the animal instinct which governs bureaucrats. It's not the sort of wild and passionate animal instinct which is so admired to-day, but rather a hyper-exaggerated instinct for self-preservation. Bureaucrats do not take responsibility for anything. Instead, they like to a)send people all around massive structures in between massive offices on a fruitless quest for wisdom or b)lie their heads off.
This leads to my theory concerning the formation of bureaucracy. Bureaucrats, who lack any manly (or womanly) characteristics, exercise self-selection and forge a group comprised of people with similar issues. They then expand and create nebulous job descriptions. Finally, they convince the movers and shakers in society that they can relieve them of some of the menial tasks which accompany governance or whatever task is at hand. When they screw up and said movers and shakers try to hold them to account, they merely point to their nebulous job descriptions and claim that the problem is not within their jurisdiction. The fruitless search begins, and anyone searching for answers wanders aimlessly about until they give up, finding that no-one in any bureaucratic positions is actually responsible for anything.
Though this is an interesting survival strategy, it's essentially parasitic, as bureaucrats cannot exist unless they have a productive host to support them. Eventually, the bureaucracy expands to such a point that it over-whelms the host and it slowly strangles to death. This phenomena can easily be observed in most European countries, or Washington D.C.
Stay tuned for my newly-regular "upcoming apocalypse" feature to-morrow, concerning Papal Prophecies and the upcoming world wars.
Any-way, this post doesn't concern stomach flu or green diarrhea. It does concern bureaucrats, which is a fairly close subject to the latter. More specifically, this post concerns their philosophical background, which frames the parallel reality bureaucrats seem to occupy. When one deals with these types (i.e. always in modern society), one must be ready to predict their behaviour. Only then can one fight them with any chance of success.
The golden rule of bureaucrats is "panic and disorder are the worst things possible." This thinking runs their entire existence, and all of the rules which govern their meaningless lives extend as spokes do from this central hub. Sadly, the wheel which results from this combination has the nasty tendency to run everyone else over.
Another key to bureaucracy is the magic of rules. Though bureaucrats don't believe in natural law, bureaucratic regulations are little less than commandments delivered from On High. All those who depart from them are headed to certain doom. Tales of customers who failed to follow the rules and then fell victim to some terrifying fate are the stories which illuminate the hours spent at the water-cooler, like the epic poems of the ancient Vikings.
The second key is obviously related to the first. Another of the spokes which fits into the central hub is the animal instinct which governs bureaucrats. It's not the sort of wild and passionate animal instinct which is so admired to-day, but rather a hyper-exaggerated instinct for self-preservation. Bureaucrats do not take responsibility for anything. Instead, they like to a)send people all around massive structures in between massive offices on a fruitless quest for wisdom or b)lie their heads off.
This leads to my theory concerning the formation of bureaucracy. Bureaucrats, who lack any manly (or womanly) characteristics, exercise self-selection and forge a group comprised of people with similar issues. They then expand and create nebulous job descriptions. Finally, they convince the movers and shakers in society that they can relieve them of some of the menial tasks which accompany governance or whatever task is at hand. When they screw up and said movers and shakers try to hold them to account, they merely point to their nebulous job descriptions and claim that the problem is not within their jurisdiction. The fruitless search begins, and anyone searching for answers wanders aimlessly about until they give up, finding that no-one in any bureaucratic positions is actually responsible for anything.
Though this is an interesting survival strategy, it's essentially parasitic, as bureaucrats cannot exist unless they have a productive host to support them. Eventually, the bureaucracy expands to such a point that it over-whelms the host and it slowly strangles to death. This phenomena can easily be observed in most European countries, or Washington D.C.
Stay tuned for my newly-regular "upcoming apocalypse" feature to-morrow, concerning Papal Prophecies and the upcoming world wars.
posted by The Admiral at 9:34 PM
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